#because there are lots of books that could go on the list

[tarithenurse]

Any future

Fandom: MCU Pairing/starring: Bucky Barnes x fem!reader Word count: 974 Content: Friends to lovers, mention of injury, guilt, pining, physical pain. A/N: Found Missy’s Writing Challenge and thought it could be helpful in revitalizing my desire to write fanfics. Thanks for making a great challenge, @saiyanprincessswanie . I went with the prompt: “I look at the future and all I see is you.”

Any future

You’ve worked with them for more than a year now, the Avengers.

You had been starstruck in the beginning but that had quickly faded as reality crashed into your idyllic world: working with heroes, seeing the backside of the medal was not pretty: people got hurt, some died if you didn’t do your job right...nothing could take that pain away and once you’d been close to throwing the towel in the ring and walking away from it all. It was only because of your teammates that you hadn’t quit.

You tried to keep them happy too, tried to pick them up on their rough days...but there’s always one who seem to be harder to cheer up than the rest: Bucky. He walks with a perpetual rain cloud over his head, barely cracking a smile to his friends Steve or Sam.

Your heart aches for him.

He, more than anyone else, has a lot to atone for and despite intensive support from the team and therapy too...nothing seems to work. You know he avoids the public, abstains from reading the newspapers or checking the internet because more often than not, there will be someone questioning his intent. If he is good. If he really still is the Winter Soldier.

You’ve tried talking with him too. He’s friendly. Hell, it even seems like he enjoys your company as much as he can so you grab every chance you have to cheer him up. Make him feel loved. Because you do...you love him. It’s not just the sympathy talking or a motherly desire to coddle him. You love his intellect, his quiet thoughtfulness.

More than once you’ve gotten him a book with crosswords or Sudoku puzzles only to find engrossed in it for the following days. Or we would silently join you when you watched movies especially fantasy like Lord of the Rings or the Princess Bride (that one did make him crack a smile more than once). He reads a lot, trying, as Sam says, to finish the so called “list” which on the other hand is ever growing partially because you add to it.

But in spite of your efforts and Bucky’s quiet acceptance of your presence in his life...he’s a mystery. Impossible to read.

---

It had been a tough mission and you hadn’t gotten away unscathed: a broken leg. You try to follow the orders of the doctors but even with the most impressive technology at the doctor’s hands there are some things that only time can fix and so you’re grounded, forced to stay home from the next mission.

You hadn’t seen the fellow Avengers off that morning, deciding instead to stay in bed and pout. But eventually it becomes too boring and your leg is aching too much: you need a distraction.

Grabbing the crutches, you imp your way to the kitchen in your sleepwear, knowing you’re home alone with Friday and it wouldn’t care even if you were naked. Sleepmuzzed hair, booty short, tank-top.

You get as far as getting the mug out of the cabinet before you lose grip on the crutch and it falls to the ground with a clatter and stubbing your toe on your good foot.

“Fuck!” you growl.

“I’ll get it,” a baritone voice behind you offers, causing you to scream in fear because that it not Friday.

Spinning around, you lose your balance as you become tangled with the crutches. You’d have fallen hard if it wasn’t for the owner of the voice catching you.

Bucky.

He’s strong, effortlessly putting you back on your foot but not letting go as you cling to him. He smells of metal and something spicy, you realize now that you’re so close to him.

“You’re home?” you deduce brainlessly.

He smiles softly. “Didn’t feel right to leave you behind in your state. Seems I was right.”

“Guess you’re good at reading the future.”

Something shifts in his eyes that you can’t explain but it’s gone just as quickly. “You okay?”

Suddenly aware of the proximity, you stabilize yourself on your good leg and pull apart. “Yeah...just...clumsy like this.”

“Then allow me?”

You nod, assuming he’d get the crutches for you. Instead, he lifts you effortlessly and carry you over to the couch where he settle you down. On his way back to the kitchen, he calls over his shoulder:

“You take it with milk, right?”

Baffled that he knows your coffee preferences, you agree.

Moments later he’s sharing the couch with you, each nursing a cup of coffee and with a plate of buttered scones on the coffee table.

“You’re wrong, by the way,” he suddenly says, breaking the cozy silence.

“In what?”

He isn’t looking at you, but studying the blackness of his coffee. “About me and the future. I’m terrible at it...or you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

“Are you...are you blaming yourself for that?” you ask, shocked.

He really shouldn’t be. Those sort of things happen and he wasn’t even close by where you got pinned: an explosive had been triggered by the Hydra agents and the debris had caught you.

“James?”

He still won’t meet your eyes. Just shrugs.

You put your cup down, starting to be more annoyed than confused. “James Buchanan Barnes. Look at me.”

Finally, though slowly, he does as you demand and you are overwhelmed by the sea of emotions that meet you.

“Talk to me...please...” you whisper.

“I look at the future and all I see is you,” he manages to press out, “it used to be...nothing. Greyness. Now there’s light.”

You reach for him and he puts down his cup before carefully crawling over to straddle you. It hurts your leg, but it’s worth it when you can press your forehead against his. And by the time he tilts your chin up and kisses you slowly, nothing else matters.

[tenderotto]

Clarity of Vision by Mithen

5 works, 205,477 words

Alternative universe - canon divergence bagginshield

I cannot begin to explain to you how good of a fanfiction this is. In short words it's a series of what could've happened if Smaug never fell Erebor and how that would affect the history of Middle Earth. I've started it just as another bagginshield plot divergence, but oh boy I've never expected it to grow into something THAT BIG. I don't have enough words in my vocabulary (or wits in my head) to tell you how talented the author is! @mithen thank you so much for your masterpiece, I tried reading it as slow as I could to savor it, but ended up binging it anyway! I'll have to re read it again some time in the future!

The story reads oh so close to feel like canon, and I caught myself more than once thinking "you've outdone Tolkien with this!", and I usually don't give out compliments like that easily. I've read A LOT of bagginshield, and I have a list of my favorites, which may or may not rival this one simply because they indulge me in romance and fluff of bagginshield, but this one is for those who yearn for the more real and logical spin of events. And those who want something that will feel like Tolkien himself wrote it but with bagginshield love that these boys deserved.

The first one of the series is "Clarity of Vision" where Bilbo meets Thorin, Balin and Dwalin, who are looking for a mistyrious elvish cure to a dragon sickness that looms over the line of Durin. And this one is the perfect adventure story that deviates greatly from "the hobbit" story line. A delicious slow burn -ish where you catch yourself nodding and agreeing with every choice that author makes for the character. You see them grow through the adventure while you follow them around west and north and Mahal knows where else. And that's one of the most delicious things throughout the series, we travel through new places that weren't shown in the movies (I assume there are more about these places in the books and parentheses)

The second (there is a smaller story in between tho) story "Clarity of Purpose" picks up some time later and makes Bilbo the ringbearer. I am afraid I cannot tell you much more, because otherwise I will spoil it for you, but we are introduced to a different fellowship with the most unexpected collection of free people of Middle Earth. I never would've thought I'd want to read about the adventures of these characters, but boy was I in for a ride!

If you want to read something that will leave you undone and done back again this one is for you! It will make you feel feels you never knew you've had. And every single character is so true to their original self too!!! This work is my heart's ease!

I've added my silly doodles, but I feel that after reading this masterpiece a few of my works will be inspired by the author.

BIG SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

For those who wonder yes it is a happy ending, and it is one of the most endearing endings that will make the life worth living.

The relationship between young Denethor and Theoden: 10/10

We get 2 new wizards!!!

Cats!

TREEWIVES

Dis and Arwen sisters in arms????

Thrain is a bitch

Never knew I could hate the one ring more than I hated it in the original (prepare to cry)

why are you still here?! Go read it already!!!

My favorite quotes:

"I'm not sure how to tell you this," Bilbo said.

"Yes?" grunted Thorin.

"I don't think your father approved of me." (Clarity of Vision)

“I am majestic no longer,” he said, “But merely Thorin Oakenshield, soon to be Thorin Baggins, if I understand the customs of the Shire.”

(Clarity of Purpose)

There are way to many quotes to post here, the whole work is too good to leave anything out.

[nameification]

a collection of potential symbols and references that could be used for anaxa

what hours of research does to a person...this list is mainly laying out some of the potential symbols and references ive both noticed and would like to see connected to anaxa. a lot of these are based in either alchemy or his design. a lot of these are also kind of based on vibes but hey! what works works

Kabbalah, the Tree of Life

okay this is an Intense one to start with but it's the one taking space in my brain the most because. okay kabbalah is heavily associated with alchemy and the likes and anaxa has So Many references to how Kabbalah is visualized on his design

like. you look at this and yeah sure maybe it's just a general reference to alchemy but some of the circles have. text ? on them? and the fact kabbalah is called the tree of life and i guarantee you trees will be important to anaxa trust me on this

the grove also seems to be architecturally use the same shapes im just gonna note that

1b. this specific planetary style arrangement

okay yes it does bear resemblance to how kabbalah is arranged but it's different enough for me so thats why im separating the two but i want to point out how this is a graphic not seen often within the game and the only other times we see anything similar are with fu xuan's kit OR in the vortex of genesis (and fu xuan has ties to erudition)

the planetary array style of the hsr map resembles the pattern on the cracked glass behind anaxa. it also bears resemblance to some other hoyo games

in this video ashikai shows the symbols for a skill badge from hg2 and the alchemy table in genshin. alchemy table. specifically look at the vortex of genesis map actually. the similarities are so close it's driving me insane

even without the similarities to other games the fact fu xuan's kit is one of the only other places i can think of where this kind of symbolism is seen within the game is very interesting to me

3. philosopher's stone (magnum opus)

the philosopher's stone is described as red so the red crystals and accents in anaxa's design could very well be a reference to that (also the symbol on his left sleeve reminds me of the symbol that represents the philosopher's stone. the symbol that represents him in his as ive written. or it could be a reference to the relic screen bg but. not going down that rabbit hole just yet)

4. tarot cards

his card in the as i've written book is very obviously a reference to the hanged man tarot card but he potentially could have references to at least two other tarot cards (i'll further elaborate odin and the hanged man next just wait)

he is referred to both as the fool (mostly in promotional content) and as a magician (by mem) and those corresponding cards (esp the magician) fit him very well

5. odin and yggdrasil

one interpretation of the hanged man tarot card is that it depicts odin hanging from the world tree irminsul. odin, very famously, is missing an eye (and a hand but anaxa currently still holds all four limbs for now) because he sacrificed it for knowledge of the runes

anaxa, very notably, is missing an eye. and anaxa seems to have a history of constant willingness to sacrifice his own soul

honorable mention to the real life anaxagoras (because if i added everything from all that i would be here all day) and his ideas of nous (oh how i sincerely believe anaxa knows of the aeon nous) because i want to wait just a little bit longer before i start breaking down the fragments in relation to anaxa

[thnksfrthpoison]

MY NOT THE LIFE IT SEEMS BOOK PROJECT!

I just realized I never posted this here! I decided to read Not The Life It Seems for my English class. After we read (but as you'll soon find out, I didn't finish it), we were given a list of project options, and one of those was digital design or smth like that.

I decided to make a little collage thingy. And since I didn't think I would get a good grade, I decided to write a whole ass letter (under the cut) to my teacher in an attempt to get more points under the guise of me explaining what the hell is going on with my project.

CW: drug use

Mrs. [Teacher's Name],

Let me preface this by saying that I know you did not require those who went the artistic route to write a thesis on how or why they chose to do what they did, but I just wanted to explain what in the world is going on with this project as I pulled a lot of inspiration from one of their albums. Before I stopped reading my book (I read over a third of it before I absolutely had to stop reading so I could begin this project), the main point of conversation was how Gerard Way's substance abuse had gone into such a downward spiral that his bandmates thought he was going to die. Before you posted the project options, I knew that if there were an option to be creative, I wanted to make something inspired by their second album, Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge. This album happens to be my favorite of theirs. I mean, it must be if I have two CDs of the album, multiple tees, various accessories, and a jacket with the cover art on it.

In addition to the mountain of merch I have for this album, my top two songs of the year last year were from this album, and according to Airbuds, I listened to that album almost five hundred times last year—yikes! The title of this very book comes from a song on this album, I’m Not Okay (I Promise): “What will it take to show you that it’s not the life it seems?” Another song on this album, Thank You for the Venom, fits what I am trying to convey with my project. To me, this song is clearly about substance abuse and the singer trying to help someone. There is speculation about whether this song is about Gerard’s own substance abuse, but I won’t delve into that here.

The lyrics which frame Gerard's face ("so give me all your poison / and give me all your pills”) and the lyrics in the bottom left corner ("what's life like bleeding on the floor?”) are from this song. As for the blood splatter on a black background, I took inspiration from the original album art, which features two lovers on a dark background, about to kiss with blood splattered faces. I also took inspiration from the fact that Gerard would sometimes smear fake blood—or in one instance, real blood, courtesy of Frank Iero—across his face before live performances during this time. This is something he still does to this day on occasion, as seen most recently during the 2022 reunion tour. During the Revenge era (what many fans call this time), photoshoots with the band would sometimes include fake blood in some capacity.

Some notable examples include the band dressed in school uniforms with bloodied faces, the band standing on a set of bleachers amidst a violent scene of slaughtered cheerleaders, and another where the group have their hands dipped in blood as Gerard Way outstretches a hand toward the camera while the others are covering their faces. I figured that, if I pulled this much inspiration from the album and the band during this era already, why not keep going?

The doves seen behind Gerard are in reference to another song on this album. This song is titled You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison, but for my sake and yours, I will just call it Prison. There is a line in Prison where Gerard sings, “Well, they’re never gonna get me / Like a bullet through a flock of doves.” I also included the doves because they are a symbol of renewal. In Life on the Murder Scene, the documentary that followed them throughout this time in their life, Gerard himself says that after he got sober, it was like they were a brand-new band.

Thank you for listening!

Paige

[theincorrigiblemagpie]

Anne of the Island - the last chunk of the book

I'm going to SPEEDRUN several chapters here because I cannot believe I came back on the LAST day of book club! This is going to be very long but I can't just skip to the end.

Just to add to the list of reasons I hate Mrs Douglas, she would think it frivolous of Janet to wear a pretty dress but sees no issue with wearing nicely tailored silk dresses herself!

Ugh the hateful woman can sure design a high tea menu. Does she take time off from Evil Plotting to read women's magazines?

Imagine if Mrs Douglas lived another 10 years?? Insanity

I never want to hear shit about how age makes you more forgiving. If anything, I was more patient in some ways in my 20s, than in my 30s. Good for Janet and John but the fact they won't tell people what Mrs Douglas did is SO frustrating!

Heavily relate to the humour and horror associated with reading your own old work. At some point, I learned not to stuff pop culture references in every crevice, but before that, it was a bloodbath of song lyrics and viral memes and movie references.

Bring back walking parties, I say! I enjoy walking around and wish I could do more of it with my friends.

Anne's mental note about Christine's walk lol

The scene of the Gardner visit is one of my favourites in this book. I weep for Pris' cake. She could've just offered them some but chose the much funnier option.

I'd never heard the name Aline before when I'd first read AoI. And then many years later, I found it in one of Lisa Kleypas' Regency romances. It's one of those names I've remembered for having felt somewhat unfamiliar to me. Pretty, though.

Lmao remembering how I furtively looked up 'gumption' in the dictionary at 11 years old, almost as if Aunt Jimsie's ghost would catch me in the act and judge me for it.

Look, I don't care how Phil reacted when Anne turned down Roy's proposal. You'll never convince me that she wasn't playing the long game to get Anne and Gilbert together.

Gilbert just needs a hug. :( Imagine seeing Anne carry your flowers at convocation and your foolish heart thinking may be there's something there for you after all and then bravely asking her for a dance at the graduation party even though your head is telling you it's a bad idea only to be turned down again!!

I've moved around a bunch in my life and I definitely feel like I've left pieces of me behind in every place I've spent meaningful time in! I wholeheartedly agree with Phil's sentiments about places acquiring personalities.

I do wish we got to see more of the very prescient Stella! She's said a handful of lines in the entire book and most of them have been very insightful or practically useful.

I actually think more highly of Phil for being hard on Anne initially. I know, I know, there's a lot of 'we support women's rights, but more importantly, we support women's wrongs' feeling I see around on social media. And I'm mostly for it, even. But I do think it's important to hold your friends accountable and have difficult conversations sometimes.

The image of Roy pining away over women who didn't even know he was into them, probably, is killing me lmao.

I know Mrs Lynde is being very bitter about Jane but it comes entirely out of her love for Anne so I can't be mad about it.

Lol now why is Mrs Harmon salty about Anne's BA? Didn't she think it was pointless anyway? Or am I misremembering?

Ugh this woman is just unrelentingly bitchy.

Reddit would hate the age gap between Mr Inglis and Jane lmaoo

Looked this up and it seems to refer to HW Longfellow's poem Evangeline, A Tale of Acadie. Acadie is just Nova Scotia, PEI, NB and part of Maine. Makes sense for a poor minister to not be able to go far on his honeymoon!

One of my baby cousins got married a few days ago and Anne's thoughts about Diana's motherhood are hitting even harder.

Mrs Allan's story about her mother has always made me tear up a bit.

The scene where Anne hears about Gilbert's illness is appropriately awful but I'm dying over Davy's interjections. "He's dying." "Nooo, there's still hope." "The doctor said there's no hope." Absolutely screaming.

The paragraphs where Anne realises she loves Gilbert are SO GOOD. Ugh.

I'll never get tired of LMM's descriptions. It makes me want to see PEI and Canada like nothing else.

I'm obviously partial to Gilbert but also, this is such a top-tier proposal. And to do it in Hester Gray's garden? 5 stars. No notes. Perfect ending.

I've had such a good time doing this book club with you all, I'm sad it's over!

[fictionadventurer]

Top 5 books read this year, please?

The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion Vol. 1-7 by Beth Brower: These books are just so much fun. They sit perfectly in my sweet spot of historical light fiction, and there's so much humor and heart and so many good characters. Maybe they're not the best books I've read this year, but they may be the only ones tempting me to buy copies for my shelf.

Washington Square and Daisy Miller by Henry James: Two short, sad, delicately-drawn novellas that may have added another author to my list of favorite classic writers.

Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin: This book started my obsession with Lincoln's Cabinet. I can't in good conscience put it lower (despite a minor qualm that prevents me from seeking out the full version). I'm also going to cheat and include Destiny of the Republic by Candace Millard, which provided me my other history niche of this year about President Garfield and his assassination. And My Dear President for all the fascinating letters offering new insight into the lives of American presidents and their wives.

The Heir of Redclyffe by Charlotte Yonge: Despite some serious issues with the story, this one had some of my favorite characters of the year, and they're going to stick with me for a long time.

Desire and The Good Comrade by Una Lucy Silsberrad: Maybe objectively not the best or even my favorites--I have problems with the plot of both--but I love how she writes Edwardian women trying to make their way in the world and their relationships with men who make them rethink the way they approach the world, and she's another entry on the list of favorite authors discovered this year.

[ffcrazy15]

There's this way of doing female-ness in Christianity that I call "pastel flower journal Christianity." I've got nothing against pastel flower journals per se, but for some reason people believe it's the end all and be all of female spirituality, and I think it's a real disservice towards young Christian women.

One of these days I'd like to start a prayer-and-reading group or something for young women, but there would be no floral themes or over-focus on how "God thinks you're beautiful even if the world doesn't" (a true statement, but it's wayyyyy too often the focus in women's spiritual reading). Instead we would be reading:

Seneca's Letters from a Stoic

Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning

Sheed's A Map of Life

Portions of Pieper's book on leisure

Kreeft's Three Philosophies of Life

Guardini's The Lord (or something similar)

Therese's Story of a Soul

and some select portions of the Nicomachean Ethics.

(Also they're all getting the porn talk. I don't know why we give the porn talk to young men but not young women. There's this idea that women don't use porn and they only need the talk about "guarding their heart." Bullshit. There's porn on the YA shelves of Barnes and Nobles and before that there were bodice rippers. Young women need the porn talk too.)

Every young woman needs to be getting a basic grounding in virtue ethics, logic, natural law, scholastic philosophy and Biblical hermeneutics if they're going to get by in today's spiritual landscape. Enough faffery and emotionalism in young women's spiritual education! Give them real food to chew on, not pasty sentimentalism!

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I haven't read these books at all, but your art is so fun and cute that I like seeing your comics a lot regardless. Fantastic Silly Little Guy energy.

Thank you for enjoying my silly little guys and my comics B*)

[onesnoopyaday]

I AM AT MY LIMIT

Snoopy #90

30/12/2024

description under the cut

[description: a cartoon-style drawing of Snoopy's head. Snoopy is a white dog with black ears. His eyes are shut and his mouth is a horizontal line. There are two large blue teardrops, one under each eye. The text "I am at my limit" is handwritten across the top of the image.]

[unopenablebox]

lmao i have a call with a wedding venue coordinator tomorrow?? lots of things about this place are appealing but it also has a massively overpriced mandatory caterer and a very late event start time (who has the ceremony start at 6:30pm?? don't people want dinner????) so i kind of just wanted, you know, a quote and contact info in case we wanted to tour later if other things don't pan out. but the person who reached out to me was so confident that we were going to call this week that i guess... i'm going to call her? and ask about chair rental prices or something? idk man. i wasn't prepared for this. i'm not even the one primarily planning this wedding and also we're not even planning yet i just had time to send idle emails this week

[youremyonlyhope]

I'm not a "new musical theatre style music" person. Never have been.

Even when I was doing voice lessons, I'd steer towards the golden age or jazzy musical theatre songs. My voice teacher would have to drag me kicking and screaming towards adding anything new musical theatre to my repertoire. For a while, the most modern song in my book was I Know The Truth from Aida, and I wouldn't count that as new musical theatre style since I mean more the Pasek&Paul or Joe Iconis type.

And now I have an audition coming up for a small production of a show in that style and I'm supposed to sing a song in a similar style. And I'm looking at all my sheet music like... let me do some Cole Porter... or Gershwin... at least Sondheim please...

[cabeswaterdrowned]

[madlori]

On being an older fangirl

I was probably 10 years old when I first conceived of what was, looking back, fanfiction. Me and my best friend would lie in bed together on sleepovers and I'd make up stories about what happened after the end of our favorite book, "The Westing Game." She'd ask me for more stories, and I'd tell her more, inventing them as I went along. "Then what?" she'd say.

I was 14 when I went to my first convention. I had discovered Star Trek: The Next Generation. It was 1987, and my youth pastor was a huge Trekkie. He took me to a one-day crappy Creation con, but it was amazing to me. I met Nichelle Nichols. My dad showed me the Trek movies. He and I watched TNG together.

When I went to college in 1991, my dad used to videotape TNG episodes onto VHS tapes and mail them to me, so I could keep watching (I didn't have TV in my dorm room).

By the time I was a senior, we had Trek watching parties in the dorm lounge, where the TV had cable. Star Trek: Voyager had started up, and I wrote a column about it for the college newspaper. I joined a mailing list about it, with people in it that I still know today.

I got my first computer that could go online in 1995. I was on newsgroups. I discovered Doctor Who. I went to Trek conventions where we still passed around fanzines containing fic and art and smutty K/S fan creations.

Then it was Harry Potter. Then there were websites. Then there was Geocities, where we could all make our own little spots. We organized them into webrings. We talked on newsgroups and mailing lists. There were fanfic archives. Then there was fanfiction.net.

Then...there was LiveJournal. And we could interact in entirely new ways. We could form communities, and debate things, and fight over canon, and get into ship wars. On LiveJournal, I met my best friend of 22 years. I was in her wedding. She's my sister of the heart (which is what she calls me).

Then there was Tumblr. And Twitter. And now there's Discord. But it's all the same.

I am the same.

I am still that little girl who made up fanfiction in her head to entertain her best friend. I am still the one who was amazed to find communities on the internet - which was so new, so raw, so uncommodified - where others like me could meet. I found there people to meet in real life.

I am still that twentysomething going to her first major convention, being told that someone loved my fic, being asked about my writing process.

I am still that thirtysomething watching something I wrote blow up. Seeing friends from other fandoms find me in new ones, finding them there, too. Forgetting which fandom I know someone from, because I've known them for twenty years.

I still know some of the people who created those early websites, those mailing lists, those archives. I still meet people in new fandoms who say "Oh, I read your fic in [fandom] fifteen years ago!" There's no feeling quite like having someone remember something you wrote for that long. Or meeting someone whose fic meant a lot to YOU, or who you talked with on rec.arts.drwho.creative in 1997.

Aging in fandom is a gift. Being middle-aged in fandom is a joy. Having people who still read what I write and ask "Then what?" is a blessing.

It breaks my heart that so many people see it as something to be ashamed of, when it is one of my life's greatest gifts.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Other Misc. Rambling Thoughts on the topic:

(~ !!!!!!!!! if you're just reblogging this post for the Poll section, please reblog the original post without this addition* lol. ~)

(*not that there's anything super personal or weird about the addition, just that it's meant to be kind of casual Side Commentary, not really part of the Main Point Of The Poll, so it would feel kind of weird for it to be emphasized by being included in reblogs unless the reblogs were explicitly about the side commentary, etc..... if that makes sense.. ANYWAY!)

It's neat to read the written descriptions that people are mentioning in the tags, since it's almost like I can see or conceptualize the idea as well, but it's just.. I'm not SEEING it.

Like for example: I can imagine a vase, it's a muted mint green and slightly translucent, elaborate golden birds sprawled down the side in streaks of thin rough watery paint, the base material shimmers gently in the light, there's a small chip where it's cracked on the handle, etc, etc. .. But as I'm thinking about this I see literally nothing.

It seems like perhaps some people can visualize an object first, and THEN describe what they see. But I sort of work backwards. I am building the object in my mind, I can never see it, but it's a collection of concepts. Rather than visualizing all details as a whole at once, I am adding each detail one by one, building onto the IDEA of the thing.

The vase doesn't have a crack on the handle because I just automatically visualized a vase with a crack. It was more that I cognitively understand the concept of a vase, what they tend to be made out of, how they tend to look and feel, the properties they have. So based purely on that knowledge, I can imagine "a chip is something that a vase could have, it would look this way and behave this way" - more like... I'm constructing a bullet point Fact List about the object rather than seeing it.

So if you tell me to imagine an object, I can, in a way, imagine that object in great detail, but it's just.. I'm not SEEING those details, more just knowing it's qualities in a purely conceptual way. Sometimes in the tags when people are like "yeah I can see the skin of the apple, texture, little dots on the surface" it's like… I can imagine that too, I can know it's there, but just with no visual attached.

I guess rather than SEEING something and going ''ah. I know what this looks like because I have seen it''. I more just skip that visual step entirely and go ''I know what this looks like, I just randomly have a list of information about the concept in my mind.'' etc. Maybe similar to how sometimes in dreams, even though a house may look completely different and be in an entirely fake 'dreamlike' environment, you just somehow KNOW intuitively that it's meant to be your childhood home or something. Even when it looks nothing like it in reality. There's a built-in base knowledge of the properties or information of some things within a dreaming mind, etc.

--

This also makes me wonder about like.. how storytelling and myth is so important to cultures all across time. Or how this could tie also into concepts of religion.. etc. etc. If so many people really can kind of conjure these vivid images in their mind, then maybe that's part of why certain things are so meaningful to them? Like a "religious experience" being something you can actually really SEE/feel/lingering with you in your head, rather than just abstract words on a page, detached purely theoretical ideas, etc... hmmm

.

Plus also just for average emotional stuff too, even outside of broader cultural conceptual attachments..

Like, I don't think there's a direct 1 to 1 link (obviously not all people with mental illnesses that significantly reduce their emotional or expressive capacity also MUST have aphantasia or vice versa), but it's interesting as someone who DOES also have a much more lessened emotional range/pretty flat affect/etc. etc. to think like.. Maybe I WOULD be more emotional, in a way, if I could have these vivid experiences..?

Perhaps memories would hold deeper significance if they could really stay with me vividly. Or storytelling would evoke more of a deep emotional reaction to me if I could really picture and feel the things that are going on. If things were more TANGIBLE in my brain, rather than always merely conceptual highly abstracted ideas.

Kind of like, it's probably easier to get over the death of a pet or something, if after not seeing them for an hour you already don't remember what they looked like (beyond just a vague fact list of traits), and you have no vivid memories or mental reminders of them (beyond just factual information stores). COGNTIVIELY you can appreciate the idea of their absence, of course, you still miss them, but there's just no remaining visceral sensory ties. A very "out of sight, out of mind" sort of thing in terms of attachments, memories, emotions, etc. Maybe certain things are easier to "get over", when you're not having constant mental sensory reminders that occasionally rekindle your feelings about the event or etc.??

(like for example, maybe someone could remain angry about an argument longer if they could vividly replay it in their head over and over again. VS just like.. 'Yes I can factually recall the fact I had an argument, and I do have knowledge stored about what precisely was said, but any sort of sensory data such as sights/smells/feelings, etc. from the actual moment of the event are long gone and can never be conjured again in my mind." etc.)

Which again, I think lessened emotional permanence and image permanence in the mind are NOT inherently linked, can all be caused by different things for different people. And, since I can't visualize anything in my head, maybe I'm misunderstanding how it happens and the effect it may have on stuff like remembering things you miss or replaying arguments, etc. etc. But it's still a little interesting to think about, if they could influence each other to some degree.... :0c --

Lastly, It's also weird because I'm actually pretty good at estimating distance and spaces? I can quickly assemble furniture without an instruction manual, pretty easily have a concept of how much space a chair may take up in a room, how two mechanical parts might fit together - BUT, I am literally not actually visualizing anything. I cannot see 3D objects in my mind at ALL. It's like.. just based on the pure List Of Facts About Things Which I Have Observed.. I can intuitively go "oh this works like this/this is this size" just because.. I know it's that size. I don't have to see anything to know..?

But then on the other hand, I'm terrible at directions without a map (I guess because a 3d outdoor environment has WAY more complexity than like.. "Will this square fit into another square?"etc. lol ).

BUT, I also draw/sculpt/etc. entirely without references, and seem to do mostly okay at that..? Like.. I can't even remember the last time I actually used a reference or looked at anything whilst drawing. It's all muscle memory, and me just adjusting as I go until something "looks right" on paper, I never have a set image in my head (or external reference) before hand.. Hrmm....

AND.. I used to say that I had a photographic memory when I was younger, which I know NOW is not true (I always thought it was just an expression, not that people could literally see things in a photographic way). But what I was describing is, I do often associate information with imagery, just... without imagery....

Like "Oh, I know that I took my medicine earlier today because I have a distinct memory, a snapshot of a moment in time, of me rattling the pill bottle in my hands as I looked up at a stop sign while in the back seat of a car". When I say this, I can't ACTUALLY see/feel/hear a pill bottle, or vividly picture a stop sign, but it's more just a factual recall, of. Even though I don't see these things, I know they happened, the information of them happening (me hearing a sound and also looking at a stop sign at the same time) has been stored in my brain as a memory, a collection of linked facts. --

As for other senses, I cannot taste or feel anything in my head AT ALL.. wild that some people mention that. I mean, again, I can have a purely factual recall as if reading a textbook, knowing the information of 'X item typically has X texture, therefore I can imagine what it may be like to feel it' or 'X usually has this taste' etc. - but I can never actually experience those senses in any capacity in my mind alone. I would say audio is my strongest mental sense (maybe a 2.5 or 3 (if it were translated onto the above scale where 1 is most vivid and 5 is nothing)), then visual (4.5 at most, usually 5), and then taste and smell and such are just complete 5, absolutely nothing, I didn't even know people could experience taste or feeling just in their mind alone.. lol...

I know this is just a silly bad quality random screencap of a screencap that I found on facebook lol, BUT it's a succinct enough image to easily describe the concept in a quick/accessible way hopefully :

-

(and of course, feel free to elaborate in tags, etc.! (especially elaborating about other senses as well.. can you "hear" in your mind just as well as you can "see"? taste? etc.) It's an interesting topic to me, as someone who's like a 4.5 at MOST lol. I'm curious what option will be the most common :0c )

[hxney-lemcn]

Mine, Only Mine — Mr. Crawling, Gap, Silvair, Chopped, Hugeface, and Scarletella x gn! reader

summery: how jealous do some of the Homicipher boys get?

tw: unhealthy relationships (Mr. Hugeface & Scarletella)

wc: 1.2k

Master List

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Mr. Crawling

❥I know people have written about how he gets jealous…but I don’t really think he does? Or at least not terribly. The scene with Mr. Chopped and the cat ears show that Mr. Crawling won’t pout or get sad at you showing affection to others, just that he wants to gain the same attention (the ear scene…). So jealousy with Mr. Crawling isn’t too bad, just be prepared to shower him with more affection than the person you originally did. 

❥On the other hand, I do think his jealousy may increase if you ignore him. Say you give more attention to Mr. Scarletella, Mr. Crawling would get a bit sad and pouty, thinking you don’t like him anymore. If this happens, give him lots and lots of attention and reassurance, he’ll be super grateful. I mean he loves your affection anyways, so might as well give him some extra headpats and kisses. Even better if you only show certain signs of affection with him, it makes him feel special. 

❥Overall, not the most jealous, but not completely unaffected either. Make sure he gets his daily dose of attention/quality time and he’ll be as right as rain.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Mr. Gap

❥Uh, he gets more jealous than you’d think. Like…his whole thing is he wants to be special to you…in his own strange way. Doesn’t like the thought of someone taking his place as a jokester to you. Also why he brings you things he’d think you like from time to time, just to make sure you still have that special place in your heart for him <3

❥Hates hate hates when you call him bad or not good. He’s good! He swears! Remember how he’s helped you before! Gets all frowny when you call him not good and then call someone else good. He’s good too! Guess he has to prove it, AGAIN. It’s honestly kind of endearing how he has no clue how he actually kind of does like you? But not exactly in a romantic way? It’s honestly hard to label his feelings towards you, so why should I?

❥I’d say he’s the second most jealous in this list of characters, watching on angrily as you praise someone that isn’t him. Be prepared for magazines and books galore when he’s in this mood, trying to prove his worth to you. Kind of strange for someone to try so hard when they claim to not like you…

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Mr. Silvair

❥Definitely the chillest one here. Doesn’t really get jealous at all :/ If anything, he finds it entertaining when you’re affectionate with others. Gives him more insight to his lab rats. Yes, he sees everyone as a lab rat. Idk, I can’t really see him get jealous.

❥Maybe…MAYBE if someone else tries doing research on you, or if Ms. Nurse treats you instead he’ll feel a bit off. Like…you’re his test subject, he knows you from the inside out…literally and not in the fun sense. Why would you go to someone who doesn’t know as much about you and how this world affects you? It’s very hard to spot his jealousy, doesn’t even notice it/recognize it himself. He just doesn’t want anyone to mess up his data…that’s all…totally.

❥In conclusion, not really jealous. Doesn’t feel like he needs to be. You’re ‘friends’, doctor and patient, mad scientist and lab rat not many others threaten that balance between you. 

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Mr. Chopped

❥Honestly…Mr. Chopped I’m kinda mixed on how he’d be. Like on one hand, I could totally see him getting jealous if you call others cute or pay too much attention to them. On the other…he could probably care less. He loves himself, you love him, why does he need to get jealous? It’s clear how much you like him with the way you pamper him. I mean we get so many examples where you’re affectionate to Mr. Crawling in front of Mr. Chopped and he doesn’t really bat an eye. 

❥Now, I can see if he gets a bit insecure he might get more jealous. Whether it be because Mr. Crawling pats your head or tucks you into bed, Mr. Chopped feels a bit sad. He’d like to tuck you in, you look so comfy. Might be just a bit pouty, eyeing you like a dissatisfied cat. Easily rectified with head pats or even cuddles. Gets side tracked from his jealousy as soon as you give him a sliver of attention honestly.

❥Mr. Chopped is fifty fifty when it comes to jealousy, but it’s never too bad. He’s pretty comfortable with what you both have and doesn’t really feel threatened by others. After all, you did call him cute.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Mr. Hugeface

❥I wouldn’t say he gets jealous? More possessive than anything. Like that scene when Mr. Machete stumbles into his little makeshift dollhouse that he made for you and gets all angry that he’s there. It’s more of a ‘you’re not supposed to be here, this is our playtime’ more than actual jealousy. Throws a little fit whenever someone messes up your playtime. Very accusatory lmao.

❥Does not like when you try to escape. Was he not providing enough for you? Were you unhappy? You’re not allowed to leave! You’re his cute human! He can’t just find another one y’know. Mr. Hugeface may be lenient if he sees you happier, you need enrichment after all. Feels extra happy if you come back on your own violation. 

❥The most childish out of all the characters on this list. Isn’t afraid to throw tantrums, will also punish you by putting you in a solid concrete cube if he’s really upset. Yeah…not the most healthy of relationships to have…BUT! I do think you could convince him to be a bit better…? Maybe? Only if you put enough work in communicating with him though. Maybe punish him in your own way like leaving for longer if he threatens to trap you.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Mr. Scarletella

❥Uhhhhhhhhhhh. Top of the list when it comes to jealousy. Watches your every move with curiosity and spite. Why are you doing that to Mr. Crawling? Do it to him instead. Why do you look so happy braiding Mr. Chopped’s hair? Style his hair instead. Why are you looking so fondly amused at Mr. Gap? Don’t you find him amusing? You do like him, right? He likes you. He likes you a lot, and he thought he was enough…was he not?

❥Will stare through your skull. It is so intimidating. His smile? Strained, it makes your skin crawl. You have to make sure he doesn’t hurt your friends, he’s so close to snapping, but he knows that would upset you and that’s not his goal. So instead he stands ominously in the background, body staticing in and out while his hand clenches the handle of his umbrella. 

❥Not that easily mended. Likes to monopolize all your time and affection. Needs constant reassurance as well, he’s quite needy. If you like constant validation and no social life go for it, just don’t get too upset if he threatens your other monster friends…he can’t stand that you could like someone that wasn’t him.

[prokopetz]

I apologise if you've already answered this, but I tried searching your blog and I'm unsure if you haven't or if it's another example of Tumblr's amazing search system.

I was talking with a friend recently about how much of a culture clash the Monk Class is compared to the rest of Dungeons & Dragons and was wondering if there is a coherent reason for their original inclusion. I'm aware that they're largely influenced by Shaolin monks as depicted in Hong Kong cinema in the 70's/80's as compared to the Sword and Sorcery stuff most of the rest of D&D takes influence from.

Basically, my question ultimately boils down to, "Is the Monk Class there purely because of an original player wanting to rule of cool their way into playing something wildly out of genre, or is there a stronger link between Sword and Sorcery and Hong Kong cinema that could have organically resulted in the Monk Class joining the rest of the classes?"

A lot of the link between the two was simply a matter of time and place. The kung fu craze hit North America at just about exactly the same time as the sword and sorcery revival that gave us films like Clash of the Titans and Beastmaster and The Sword and the Sorcerer and Dragonslayer and Krull – not to mention the Arnold Schwarzenegger Conan adaptation, which revived popular interest in first-wave sword and sorcery literature – so there was a lot of it going around. Analysis of early Dungeons & Dragons as a product of its media influences often overlooks that it was largely drawing on what was trendy in American popular media in the 1960s, 1970s and 1980s. Even the tonally incongruous Lord of the Rings references weren't a deep cut; while the books were originally published in the 1950s, they'd experienced a strong resurgence in the 1970s, putting them firmly in the popular consciousness at the time that D&D was being developed. All this being the case, it's not surprising that early D&D was also substantially influenced by Hong Kong action cinema.

That said, the reason the monk character class in particular (i.e., as opposed to kung fu media influences more generally) is there is allegedly because one specific guy in one of the game's early playtest groups really, really wanted to play as Remo Williams from Warren Murphy and Richard Sapir's The Destroyer; several of the class's signature abilities are direct references to powers Williams exhibits in the course of the novels. Remarks from folks who worked at TSR at the time have pointed the finger at Brian Blume as the Remo Williams fan in question, though accounts are conflicted whether Blume was actually an uncredited contributor to Dave Arneson's Blackmoor (1975), in which the class makes its first proper appearance, or whether Blume's interest merely prompted its inclusion.

This is the case for the character archetypes in a lot tabletop RPGs of that era; instead of trying to work out what classes "ought" be be present, authors would simply start with the types of characters their playtesters actually wanted to play, often based on specific popular media characters, then work backwards to derive an IC rationale for why those were the setting's standard adventuring professions. Other examples from D&D in particular most obviously include the Ranger (based on Tolkien's Aragon, naturally), but also the Paladin (principally inspired by Holger Carlsen from Poul Anderson's 1961 isekai novel Three Hearts and Three Lions, also the source of D&D's goofy regenerating trolls), the Assassin, back when it was still a separate character class (probably mainly based on the Assassin Caste from John Norman's Gor), and even the Wizard to a large extent (less Gandalf than you'd think: a large portion of D&D's iconic wizard spell list is lifted directly from the 1963 Vincent Price film The Raven).

(I often think that modern indie RPGs could benefit from reviving this approach. Like, fuck textual consistency – just pick half a dozen of your favourite popular media characters without regard for the compatibility of the source material and work backwards to explain why these six random assholes are your game's playable archetypes!)